The Case for Conveyor Belt Walkways at Baby's R Us

Calm down now ladies, the conveyor belt is for me. A means to drag my exhausted carcass through the land of overpriced pacifiers is one of many things I find myself in want of lately. In my mind's eye, I imagine a slew of previously energetic and alert husbands now half dead, sprawled out and rolling along at a pathetic 2 mph. Their determination and eagerness defeated by countless product comparisons and the earth's gravity. Progress is now determined by the rotating black belt that hauls them from department to department. They never stood a chance. If Baby's R Us is smart, they'll have the bar codes of the most expensive items planted along the belt's path. 

I promise not to be cynical for this entire blog. Preparation for parenting has opened up a new world of experiences for me lately and I thought it'd be best for me to process my new world through writing. If nothing else, it'll give my future shrink a starting point to work from. Most notable is the creation of our baby registries. Say what you want about how boring it is to go imaginary shopping for nothing but baby stuff, but if it wasn't for a baby registry we wouldn't be able to get half the stuff our kids need. To be honest, parts of it weren't that bad at all. Registering for furniture was actually interesting enough because you have different wood options and styles to choose from. Car seats, strollers, and things that have safety regulations are mind numbing to shop for. Is it wrong to be excited for my man colored diaper backpack? For those of you males who still have to do this, I found that when I was determined to stay engaged and weed out the weakest items I was able to enjoy myself. It wasn't until we began shopping for the countless little things, that my stamina finally failed me. It might be best to let your wife pick out these items later at home on the internet, that way she can color coordinated them easier.

In the rest of my time lately I've been contemplating how my lifestyle will change with the arrival of these two boys. Though I'm still working during the summer, I have lots of time to myself. These pleasant hours will most likely cease and instead be filled with the duties of fatherhood. I definitely haven't been utilizing my last kid-free days like I should. I've had many goals for this summer which largely have not been realized. Instead other responsibilities have presented themselves and I've squandered my remaining free time with mindless computer games and movies. I'll find my self determination again, but I probably won't have the free time I do now. Yet I am still resolute to avoid turning into the haggardly tired parents who have completely absorbed themselves in their jobs and kids lives until they leave for college. Its not that I don't want to be involved with my kids lives, I just don't want unnecessary obligations to take time away from higher priorities like my faith and loving my wife. I'm a bit of an idealist though and so we'll see how all this pans out.

So in closing, I'm excited for the upcoming baby showers and encourage everyone to go online and buy us stuff. Live long and prosper. 

Chickens Coming Home to Roost

    The status of my wife (Stephanie) is as follows: She is currently entering her 16th week of pregnancy and is embracing the baby bump the Lord blessed her body with. School let out the last week of May and so she no longer has to struggle through full work days. She now spends most of her time preserving her valuable energy for the growing babies in her belly and has become a follower of many day time television shows. Friday she took her EIPA (educational interpreters performance assessment) and passed with flying colors. Challenges of daily life include finding creative ways to get as many calories into her body as possible and  avoiding her cravings to purchase the charming diapers she finds on the internet. I have attached the most recent picture of her and our babies below. Notice the delightful glow to her complexion as the joy of child bearing radiates from the center of her being.

   As far as updates in my life are concerned, I too have a break from education for two months and am now working as a concrete finisher with Visions in Hardscapes in Indianapolis. Life has kept me busy with church, buying a house, concrete, soccer, reading, car troubles, and the various events that take me out of town. Last week I participated in a great youth leadership summit (C.L.A.S.S.) in Goshen and got some air time (my backside) on the local news. Yesterday evening was spent basking in the glow of my mechanical prowess as I successfully replaced our Hyundai's alternator. Next weekend I will enjoy celebrating the wedding of my youngest sister Carmen.

   The title of this blog is in reference to some exciting new discoveries with our babies, their penises. We are having boys! Steph had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday which included an ultrasound. I was unable to attend due to the leadership summit three hours away I had committed to. During the appointment, the doctor was able to determine the sex of the babies. Anticipating this possibility, Steph had brought an envelope in which she had the doctor deposit the ultrasound pictures and the gender of the babies without telling her the sex. When I got home late Wednesday night, we sat down and opened it together and found out at the same time.

  Since then, many of the people we have told have made some type of remark to me getting payback for being such an unwieldy child. The title is the one my father-in-law dubbed on me. I'd like to think my youth was spent in playful bliss without burdening my parents too much with rambunctiousness. But truth is in the eye of the beholder, so I might be getting what I deserve after all.

   I am personally very excited at the opportunity to raise two boys at the same time. If the Lord has his way, they will be big brother teammates to any other siblings we spawn and help lead them through life's many challenges. If society has its way, they will star on COPS every Saturday accompanied by their proud father sporting a stained white tank top, drooling and unconscious face down on our front lawn.      

Twins?

You know that feeling you get when the ground drops from under you, time slows, and all of your senses have been consumed by what you're staring at right in front of you? I was introduced to that feeling Wednesday.

I mentioned in an earlier blog, that Steph and I would be participating in a study through IU Hospital that would result in groundbreaking advances in the medical field and hundreds of years worth of knowledge for future expecting couples. Oh you don't remember me saying all that? That's because I didn't. I was in it for the gift cards and free car seat we were getting from the deal. Wednesday was scheduled our first appointment. We were to sign some paper work and take the first of many ultra sounds of our baby. Steph is only thirteen weeks along and so this is happening way before the most couples get their first ultra-sound. I was mildly excited to see our baby. I thought it would still be a tadpole or something. I was holding my excitement for the one where we find out the sex.

My lukewarm enthusiasm is about to be ambushed by life and I didn't even know it. I'll just go through the dialogue that occurred between the female technician, Steph, and myself as we underwent the ultra-sound:

Steph: Oh that gel is cold.
Tech: And there is your baby.
Steph: Wow look at how much its moving.
Me: Hey there. Look at its arm move. That's awesome.
Tech: There's two in there...
Steph: (silence)
Me: What?

I wish I could convey what was happening to my body at this moment, I don't really know what to compare it to. This was different than the first time I found out I was going to be a father and I had to let it sink in. This time, the moment she said those words, I instantly had complete comprehension of what they meant. A warm sensation went through my entire body and I had to sit down. I kept staring at the ultra-sound screen. My eyes must have been huge because the technician started laughing at me.

Here's the facts: We have two babys. Baby A is .02 cm longer than Baby B. Baby B has a faster heart beat than Baby A. We don't know the gender of either one. They share the same placenta, but are in separate sacks. They will be identical twins. We are VERY excited. We are going to have our hands full.

So we have yet another reason to praise the Lord. We can no longer participate in the IU study because it is only for singletons. The picture below is of the ultra-sound and both babies. Now I must go and prepare another meal for Stephanie because with twins she must eat the same calorie count as Michael Phelps.

Kitchen = Mans Land?

Some husbands may look back on their bachelor days and yearn to regain that freedom. Well gentlemen, I have tasted that "freedom" and found it to be a bitter dish.

Since this pregnancy began, Steph has less energy and motivation than she usually does. All my sources confirm this to be normal for pregnant females. So while she rests on the couch watching all of the Friends DVDs we have for the fourth time, I am left to pick up the slack. This means I have had to re-accustom myself to doing many of the household jobs that I have gotten used to letting Steph do for the past year. So far I have learned the following:

1. Our sink is too small, dishes pile up quick, and I will make a fortune some day when I invent an all in one plate that will also do the job of the fork, spoon, knife, and cup. Then clean itself.

2. Sticking to the grocery budget is much harder when I cant guess what Steph wants to eat.

3. If I don't clean the toilet rim, Steph will see it and throw up.

4. Somehow when I fold the clothes, they get more wrinkles.

5. My wife is amazingly creative when it comes to putting meals together. I, however, have no imagination. So my lunches contain strange combinations like cheddar sausages and Greek yogurt.

6.  Staying disciplined in studying the Bible and working on my relationship with God is hard when my time is squeezed.

7. When there is a sitcom being watched in another room and you listen only for the laugh tracks, they sound way too short and a little depressing.

8. I cant decorate the apartment.

9. Stress from home adds to stress from work if I don't exercise.

I'm sure I'll learn many more of these pearls of wisdom as the months progress.

First Doctors Visit

Lately, life has moved pretty rapidly for the Yoders. Being the man of the house, I have found it necessary to make adjustments now that my roles have shifted. I have had to resurrect some of my cooking skills I had as a bachelor. In doing so, I have gained a deeper understanding of my father. While growing up, us kids would look forward to the rare nights when Mom would be away. Not to knock Mom at all, it just meant Dad would cook his specialty: fried baloney sandwich! Yeah, thanks for that Dad. Though very yummy to my youthful taste buds, I now understand that it was the ease of preparation that motivated my father. It seems the apple has not fallen far from the tree. I have eaten ham sandwich five out of the last seven days. And today to mix it up, I fried it.

Stephanie has had her sick days, but they have been nothing close to the infamous week of non stop morning sickness. She has been able to function at work fine, then come home and crash on the couch watching Friends until 8:30. Then off to bed.

My Dude You're Going to be a Dad book tells me today was a big milestone. We had our first checkup with the midwife. Her name is Amy. Long ago, I determined that I would not be a passive husband during this entire pregnancy, sitting tired and unengaged at the back of the office while the women discussed the health of my wife and child. So I made sure I was present.

It was strangely easy to stay alert and focused while the RN fired a hundred questions at us about our medical, surgical, and genetic history. I resisted the temptation to one up Steph and the nurse on the number of surgeries undergone ( its five), but couldn't help thrusting my fist triumphantly in the air when I heard the news Steph was eligible to participate in a safe study that would result in us getting over $150 in gift cards and a free car seat for our baby! Cha Ching!

By far the most exciting moment came at the end of our meeting with the midwife. Listening for the baby's heart. Amy informed us that since we are only nine weeks along, the baby has to be in just the right position and its very unlikely that we will hear anything. None the less, when she put that microphone up to Steph's belly, I was on the edge of my seat in anticipation. I hadn't even realized I would be that nervous.

She felt around with the mic, there was a number of noises including a slow swishing sound that was Steph's heart. Then we heard something different, quick, loud, and clear: "taptap taptap taptap". My eyes were wide as saucers and we looked at Amy as she confirmed "That's your baby's heart." I still remember the sound and I could tap out the exact rythm right now. This experience totally blitzed me, otherwise I would have prepared my reaction better. "THAT'S MY BABY!" is what I was yelling at the top of my lungs inside my head. But I tried to be a conserved adult man. That inner battle didn't bode well for my outward expressions. Wide eyed, mouth closed, breathing heavily I just stared and muttered "no way..."

That was the climax of the visit. But before we left, the good doctor extracted enough vials of Steph's blood to last her a good week of joyous testing. I hear there are a lot of these visits yet to undergo, I don't think I can handle many more like today. My heart is full, praise the Lord.

Dude You're Gonna Be a Dad

First off, the Boston Marathon bombing shocked me this week and I was reminded that there are people in this world I need to protect my family from.

Since Saturday, Steph has been feeling much better. She has her old personality back, which makes life around the apartment pleasant. Her nausea has almost completely subsided. She no longer dry heaves at the mere touch of my hand which allows for kissing and cuddling at night and what not.

Steph spent the weekend recovering her strength and she is back in the classroom this week. She has less energy than normal. The time is 8:17 p.m. currently and she is already tucked in bed.

My week has been interesting so far. On Monday, my technological prowess as a young educator was tested to its capacities. During the middle of my lesson, I found that Google Earth no longer worked for my students. I gave Tech a call and found out that the one day I had chosen to do one of my most glorious (and internet necessary) activities, was also the day the middle schools were commencing ISTEP testing on the internet. Apparently, the Google Earth tour of Europe I had designed for my students was so powerful, it was slowing the students testing! So Tech cut off my bandwidth. I did a little haggling with them and got some back. I had the students turn off all the map layers except the base and 3-D buildings layers, this gave me the capacity to run half of my computers. So it turned into a partner activity.

Today one of my students was suspending pending expulsion for striking another teacher on my academy. 

And that's my week so far. When I came home, I found a parcel by our door from some good friends in Bloomington, Illinois. One unintended consequence of starting this blog is that family and friends have been great with offering me advice. My ignorance in this subject area is pretty obvious and so I have welcomed it. We both received gender specific pregnancy books. The title of mine seems to fit me pretty well.

Wake up, Wash Puke Bucket, Sleep, then Repeat

I have not looked forward to a weekend so much in a really long time. Steph's morning sickness, house searching, track coaching, and teaching all but exhausted my free time this last week.

"Morning" sickness my butt. Steph has been battling nausea all day and night for the past three nights. She has been able to keep down very little more than Graham crackers, water, and her pre-natal. Her constant puking was what troubled me the most. It kept her from eating and kept me up at night.

Seeing my wife in such a state brought me down emotionally for the entire week. I was worried for her health and the health of the baby. She is normally my main source of joy. Jumping through loops to get to a doctor in the giant Methodist Hospital system is a pain too. Is this how people become alcoholics?

First house walk through started this week. We saw three. First one was a little small. Second one not a bad option overall. Third one was amazing except the listing agent left out some extras on the MLS sheet (large kitchen, large lot, pool deck, bidet, and over 1,000 square feet of wet moldy basement). I hope I didn't contract mycosis in the time I was down there. The search goes on.

I will end this on a happy note. Steph is feeling much better and the vomiting has stopped. She is up and more herself. My mood has improved as a result too. We are entertaining my sister and her friend this weekend. Things are looking up, the Lord gets the praise.